Internal Struggles

I'm finding it hard to get back into the swing of running when I plan to. Having that day off on my birthday seems to have knocked me off track a bit. I am getting out there, but yesterday the conversation / struggle I had with myself about whether I was going to go or not must have lasted about 30 minutes at least.

Me 1: Right, I'm going to go on a run when I get home from work.
Me 2: But I am so tired I am falling asleep on the tube, I shouldn't go. I don't want to go. I can go tomorrow morning instead.
Me 1: It is better to go today. I will feel better if I go. I don't want to get another day behind, and going on the run may make me feel more awake as well.
Me 2: I'm so so tired. I don't need to push myself so hard. It is OK not to go once in a while, and there is still time to make it up. It will be so nice just to get home, but my cosy clothes on and have a quiet, peaceful night with flatmate, cats, embroidery and TV! And maybe the rest of that sparkling wine.
Me 1: Yes, that does sound lovely. I deserve a break.
Me 2: Good, that is settled then. And I am not going to feel bad about it.

That wasn't the end of the conversation. As I was changing out of my work clothes I thought "I suppose I could go on a run", and the motivated part of me managed to grab hold of that possibility again. So I got into my running stuff instead of my PJs and headed out for a 4 mile run.

I don't like running in the evening too much. It doesn't seem so safe, even when I stay on the main roads. Maybe I was just feeling vulnerable/paranoid but there seemed to be lots of leering men around.

Nevertheless, I'm still pleased I went. I recovered my energy and my positive mindset. Running is so good for the mood and definitely helps my depression.

And I still managed to have a cosy evening in after the run, so didn't lose out on that. Just gained that satisfying sense of achievement.

And I spoke to someone at the Mental Health Foundation yesterday. They are having a reception for the runners on marathon day. All my friends / family can go there too. I can have a shower and get a massage and there will be food and drinks.

I just hope that once I sit down I will be able to get up again! I guess that the shower and massage will help. I hope so!

First run of the week

I am fed up with this computer not letting me write in lilac, but maybe I should not let myself be distracted by such issues!

I ran again this morning, but I nearly didn't! For silly reasons like . . . I don't feel like it . . . It is the day after my birthday . . . I need my sleep (if there is one thing I am not deprived of in my life it is sleep!)

Once again, Sammy the cat came to my rescue and wouldn't let me go back to sleep. Once I had fed him I did try going back to bed, but then a thought came into my head, "I suppose I could go", and I took advantage of it! Jumped up and put my running stuff on before my saboteur could say another word.

So I went, and it was fine. Not great but fine. And I've had some good advice from Jules (Thank you Julian) about ways of tackling my achilles problem. Although I was stretching, I wasn't warming up before stretching so I will try that. If that doesn't work I will try getting "orthotics" for my shoes. Will have to find out what they are first though!

Happy Birthday

to me that is!
I didn't go running today. Decided I deserved a break on my birthday. A relaxed morning with a cup of tea and Lorraine Kelly before leaving for work!
I will have to go Wednesday, Thursday and Friday instead.

How come this blog sometimes gives me the option of choosing font size, colour etc. and sometimes doesn't? I wanted to write in lilac!!

I ran six miles!

I think that deserves a large font, don't you!

To be exact, I ran 6.4 miles, but whether it is possible to be exact using a pedometer, I don't know! Probably not.

Anyway, I was running for 55 minutes. I didn't have to stop. At the 3 mile stage I actually felt GOOD and picked up my pace a bit. Completely different feeling to the short run I did on Thursday night.

I'm starting to feel a bit excited because I can see myself making progress. I'm noticing that my overall attitude is changing a bit as well. It is hard to explain, but I am less avoidant of things I find challenging. Able to make myself do it. Not all the time, but the change is there.

My main worry is the pain in my achilles. Reading my running book it looks like this could cause a problem and affect my training and ability to run the marathon. At the moment, I'm not sure it is getting worse. However, was particularly sore when I got out of bed this morning.

I'm just not sure what to do about it. It isn't the sort of thing you go to your GP about is it?